You know who you are, a parent of a teenager. Youre the one with blood shot eyes, more gray hair than you had yesterday, and empty pockets. Yeah, its those empty pockets that get you. When you realize those three things, youll know youre parenting a teenager

Step #1 Start before they start talking back, explain to your children when they are very young that you are the boss and you expect them to obey. Allow them to suffer consequences of simple injustices, early on. If you tell them No, they will fall down, and they go ahead and start to climb on the couch, show them the floor. Gently of course!

Step #2 Always have an appropriate punishment available when natural consequences are not happening. A natural consequence of disobedience happens without parental interference, and often without your actual knowledge. If there are natural consequences, you dont have to issue punishment. If not, however, it is best to issue a punishment that fits the crime. Just be sure you arent punishing yourself in the process.

Step #3 Communication is the key. If you cant talk to your child, they cant talk to you. Communication is mutual. If you find you always are scolding your child, that isnt communication. Much of disciple comes not from the punishment, but from understanding the proper way to behave. Chatter about the good things, compliment them, and share the rewards youve received for appropriate behavior. Comment on their friends who behave well, or your friends who dont. Talk to your kids.

Step #4 Time is a definite component of building a relationship. When was the last time you spent some serious TIME with your child? I mean the kind of time where you wish you could stay longer. Taking my daughter to school, since she attends a class there after home schooling for 10 years, is a real experience for both of us. Most mornings, we chatter about the weather, her classes, or some other significant topic. This morning, we talked about the importance of chocolate in the lives of girls. This is important stuff she needs to know, and only I can share it with her.

Just so you dont think my daughters get extra time, I want to share a discussion I had with my son last night. Completely awesome talk about swords; he told me how they made the, and what they were for, and then explained to me that if we still had fire breathing dragons, Id have to take a knight with me wherever I went, to fight off the fire breathing dragons. Hes 10 and completely convinced its his responsibility to make the world safe for inhabitation.

Step #5 Dont give them everything they want. Sometimes, just say no because you can. I know this may sound a bit mean and cruel, but the reality is our children dont need everything they ask for, when they ask. Sometimes, they need to earn their way, and know the actual value of what they want. Occasionally, even if you can afford to give your children everything they ask for, dont.

Step #6 Teach by example. IF you think for one moment your children will do as you say and not as you do, your thinking is messed up. If you smoke, they probably will too. If you drink, they probably will too. If you run around on your spouse, they probably will too. Teach by doing the right thing, so your children can learn from your example. And if you do screw up, be willing to admit you were wrong.

Step #7 If you teach your child nothing else in life, teach them about unconditional love. Accept your children for who and what they are, and love them. Show them where you want them to go, and just love them through whatever phase they are in. Let them know you care and you will be there. Dont change their consequences for them, but be there to encourage them through the good choices and the bad choices.

As a single parent, the hardest thing Ive had to learn is that when I change my childrens consequences, it takes them longer to learn the lesson.

Youre in the game for the whole show, not just a battle or two. Be sure you come out on the other side with scars you wont mind sharing! Go in with the shield of good parenting from the beginning, and a relationship with your child that cant be broken.

Jan Verhoeff

Somewhere between college and life, Jan began to focus on other people. Her intense need to feel accomplishment in her life drove her to finding a deeper contentment than just existing in the hoot 'n holler of southeastern Colorado. While the beauty of the prairie never escaped her eye for color and beauty, the intensity of her desire kept her moving ever onward.

Summers in Michigan and Tennessee brought her closer to something, but it wasn't until much later, as an adult, mother of four that she began to understand that her need for accomplishment included sharing what she had learned along the way. It also meant that her talent for painting the dream and writing her thoughts had a lot to do with her accomplishments.

She began to focus on actually writing down her thoughts and ideas in journals, revealing her prayer thoughts and life events. Bits of paper became treasures of memory, and a notebook became an outlet of hope and a step of faith. Jan put her thoughts on paper, and began to publish them, where she found opportunity, including various magazines, trade journals, and local publications. Her interests in business and new enterprise became a resounding outlet for her talent, and wisdom for those who sought it. Jan's interest in business development became her trademark, resulting in her first book publication in !992, "Building a Business: From Scratch". This 22 page booklet was published by a local printer in a vertical brochure format, selling more than a thousand copies nation wide. It has resurfaced in college classes as the basis for college term papers, graduate thesis, and research documents for small business courses over the past 13 years.

Seeking more diverse outlets for her talents, Jan most recently has written several short stories published in various books, including: "Stories for the Trail" with the Lamar Writer's Group, "Prickly Points of Life" a combination poetry/short story collection of Jan's work, and "Coffee Clatter" a bound collection of written works originally published in a newsletter published by her daughter, Brenna, as a Sophomore Year Project when she was homeschooling at Buchanan Academy.

More recently her work is available in a newsletter she publishes weekly via email, and various blogs listed on the right side of this page.

You may contact Jan at: janverhoeff@yahoo.com